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Are you itching to stand at the altar with your handsome man standing across from you and say your “I Do’s”?
While growing up I longed to get married and be a wife. And maybe that’s where you are at, too, but there are a few key things you should consider before getting married.
My dream was to be the best wife and mom I could be, and now that a wife to the most wonderful and incredible man is my reality, I am realizing it’s more than I ever imagined, and I love every second of it.
But before you go running off to say your I Do’s, considering marriage should not be taken lightly. Marriage is huge. Marriage is forever. And marriage is work.
I have mentioned before, and I still stand by this, when you start thinking of getting married you will have numbers of people telling you how hard marriage is, but they always seem to forget to tell you how wonderful it is, too.
Yes, marriage certainly is hard, hard work. But if you’re willing to jump in with two feet, put the hard work in, and stay committed for life, marriage is such a wonderful thing.
Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, but if you have prayed about it consistently, talked about it with your boyfriend, family members, pastor, and friends, and feel like you are ready to start this life-long journey that marriage is, then I want to be the first to congratulate you, because marriage truly is beautiful.
Related: To The One Yearning to be Married
HERE ARE A FEW THINGS TO THINK ABOUT AND CONSIDER BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
1. HOW DOES YOUR BOYFRIEND TREAT HIS MOM AND SISTER(S)?
You might have heard this many times before, but it is such rich information. Watch carefully how your boyfriend treats his mom and/or sister(s). His actions towards them are a true reflection of how he might treat you one day.
Is he kind, patient, forgiving and loving? Or is he quick to anger, quick to jump to conclusions, and ungrateful towards them?
Consider this greatly. I understand that he is most likely treating you like a queen right now, but if he is harsh towards his family members there is a chance that one day those temperaments could be aimed towards you.
If your boyfriend is more harsh towards his family members, before jumping into marriage try sitting down and discussing it with him. Invite a pastor into your conversations to get unbiased opinions and help.
2. IS HE GOOD WITH HIS FINANCES?
Money might not seem like a problem at all right now, but once you get married you will most likely (especially if you are living at home before you get married) have more bills and expenses.
There’s a reason why money is one of the biggest arguments in marriage, so it’s best to address each other’s spending habits before tying the knot.
It’s not a bad idea to sit down and talk about your plans. Make sure you’re on the same page with your spending and saving habits.
Decide what will be necessities and what are just wants, that way when you do get married you’re not in for a surprise.
3. HOW IS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?
Is he a God-fearing, God-honoring, faithful man? Does he seek God’s will in all that he does, or does he do things for selfish reasons? Does he help the needy when he can, or does he turn a blind eye?
4. PRAY ABOUT IT
Pray for your upcoming marriage. Pray for your future husband, ask God to prepare his heart, and yours also. Pray with him and pray for him.
Prayer should ground us and our marriages. When tough seasons come, pray. When you need help, pray. Dig into God’s Word and seek what he would do, and don’t be afraid to go to a pastor for help and guidance.
I recommend this book: Stormie Omartian the Power of a Praying Wife
Related: The Power of a Praying Wife
5. IS HE RESPONSIBLE?
Being responsible with his money is an important question that you should ask yourself, but also ask yourself if he is responsible in other aspects of his life. Does he take care of his vehicle? Does he go to work on time? How does he handle conflict?
6. WHAT ARE BOTH OF YOUR OPINIONS ON KIDS?
Do you both want kids, or do you want them and he doesn’t, or vice versa? Sit down and have a conversation about how many kids you want, whether or not you even want any. Ask what they want and discuss all your options.
Some important questions to ask when discussing kids are: How many kids do you each want? When do you want to have kids? What forms of birth control (if any) will you be using? What if one of you is infertile, how will you both handle it? Will you just not have kids, or is adoption an option for you both?
Remember: If you don’t agree on the number of kids you want right now, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Opinions can change over the years and after having your first kid you might decide you don’t want anymore, or you might change your mind and want to have several more.
7. WHERE WILL YOU LIVE?
Will you live close to his family, close to her family, or not close to either? Will you be moving from where you’re living right now?
Is he going to stay at his current job? Will you stay at your current job? Are you both willing to move if careers change?
8. HOW DOES HE HANDLE CONFLICT?
Does he run and hide when conflict comes into sight, does he face it head on with anger, or is he willing to calmly sit down and talk it over?
Discuss how you both see each other dealing with conflict right now, and ask each other how you can work on making it better. Talk about what you want to work towards when dealing with conflict.
Do you need to take a breather, go for a walk and cool down? Or would you rather deal with it right then and there?
9. HOW IS HE WITH COMMUNICATION?
Is he good with communication, or does he try to stuff things to the back of his mind and forget they ever came up, just to avoid conflict?
Communication is key to a successful marriage, and is something you and your partner should be, and continually striving to be, getting better at.
10. PREMARITAL COUNSELLING
I highly suggest that any engaged couple take part in premarital counselling. Is your partner willing to participate in premarital counselling with you?
Premarital counselling helps work out some of your relationship’s kinks (that you may have not even known were there!) before getting married and can help you be aware of issues that might arise after marriage.
It will help you and your partner with learning how to better communicate, deal with conflict, talk things through, see things from their side of the spectrum, and give you a bigger, better understanding of God’s great purpose for marriage.
Do you feel confident and ready to say your I Do’s? These above points don’t need to be deal breakers, but should certainly shed some light on some issues you might not have known were there, so that you two can work on fixing them and finding ways to better your relationship before you take the great plunge into marriage.
These should also help you see your partner from an unbiased point of view. Take a step back and make sure the man you want to marry is really the true man that he is.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12