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She desires love.  He needs respect.

Marriage in the midst of our need for independence.  

People get offended nowadays when they hear they need to rely on their husbands, or husbands on their wives, and I will not be surprised if there are a number of people who get offended by this very post.

We are surrounded by a culture of people that are fighting with everything they’ve got to be independent.  So why, you may ask, is it so important that husbands and wives depend on each other when all people want is independence?

 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. – Philippians 2:3-7

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:21

Men and women are different in so many ways, it is incredible to think that we can actually live happily together, but that very reason is because of dependence on one another, husbands and wives were meant to compliment one another.  These very differences were not designed to drive men and women away from one another, but in fact, to do the very opposite.  To drive us closer together and to God, to use our differences to build one another up.  The many differences in the very hardwiring and hormones in our bodies are designed for strengthening and complimenting one another.  As I said earlier, she needs love, he needs respect.  This is built into our very nature, it is an ongoing circle, as a woman admires and respects her husband, he then wants to love and be affectionate towards her, which she responds to by respecting him even more.  An ongoing circle.  And if that circle is pierced by something and falls off track, do not wait for your husband to show you affection and love before you start respecting him again, respect him out of obedience to God, whether or not you think your husband deserves your respect.  Do it as an act of obedience.

 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. – 1 Peter 3:1-2

It is right there in the Word of God.  It is not up to us wives to decide whether or not our husband deserves our respect, it is up to us to obey the Lord.  And here we find the command for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, – Ephesians 5:25

Again, it is not up to the husband to decide whether or not his wife is worthy of love, it is up to him to obey.

Respect your husband, love your wife, watch them grow into the person that God has created them to be.  There is no shame in depending on your spouse to give you the love and affection or respect that you were created to thrive on.  Depending on your spouse can look different for many people, but no marriage can be the one that God created you to have without a little bit of dependence.  For some, it looks like this:  I am a stay at home wife and therefore depend on my husband to work for us to be able to live.  My husband depends on me to make meals and be the homemaker for him so he is able to go to work.  And around the circle goes.  Not everyone’s life looks like that, dependence can come in many different ways.  While it is important to depend on one another in marriage it is ultimately the most important to depend on the One who created marriage.  

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26

A great book I enjoyed reading through is Love & Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs, please find the link below


Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12