To the one yearning to be married.
This is not some list of “so many things you just have to do before getting married,” because I don’t believe that there is a list of things you have to do before getting married.
I’m not talking about age. No, sweetie, if you’re 12 you’re probably not ready to be getting married. I’m talking to the ladies who know where they stand in the whole readiness issue.
All around you’ll find people telling you things you must do before getting married, like traveling. They’ll tell you to get the travel bug out before getting married or you’ll regret it later in life. They tell you to go out dancing, because when you get married you’re kissing your life goodbye.
Everyone will tell you to travel before you’re married because after you’re married it’s just not going to happen. While that might be true, that is something that you should talk to your future spouse about. Sure, going traveling beforehand might be just what you need, but it’s not what everyone needs. Plan to travel with your husband after you get married, how much more fun would it be to go with your husband, your best friend!
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They tell you to go out on the town, dress up and go dancing. But no one tells you this truth: It’s even more fun after you’re married! It gives you an excuse to get all dressed up, to make your husband go googly-eyed. Make an evening out of it, go for dinner, dance the night away, and the bonus is you get to go home with your love every night.
Live alone. Why?! Maybe it’s something you want to do for personal reasons, to experience living on your own before nesting down with someone, maybe it’s people around you, telling you that you have to live alone before getting married. If it’s something you personally want, then go for it, but it is certainly not something you need to do before you’re ready to get married.
Be financially ready. Okay, someone tell me what exactly defines “financially ready”, does it mean having a million bucks in the bank for cushioning in case of a sudden job loss?
If you wait until you’re “financially ready” or “financially comfortable” before getting married, you’ll never get married. You will never be in a perfect financial spot. It is a smart thing to figure out a budget and figure out what you have to do to be able to get married and all the costs associated with it. But it’s like our pastor put it for my husband and I in our premarital counseling, You will never be financially ready. But you make it work. You figure out what you have to do to make it work. It’s like having kids, you’ll never be truly ready, you just do it and you make it work. Don’t be putting off getting married until you have some great big security in your bank account. God is the one who provides for you, and if this marriage you are going in to is from Him, there is no doubt that He will make a way for you two to make it through financial struggles. Financial struggles can also grow you two closer as a couple, you will rely on God together, you will be forced to come together in full unity to face the problems head-on.
You hear everywhere people saying that you should “date around” before settling down with “the one”. Why on earth should we be encouraging people to date around? To make sure that the one they want to marry really is the one? Well if you have to date around to find that out, I think your answer is no. Don’t be afraid to settle down if you know he’s the one and don’t let doubts creep in and cloud your mind.
“You’re too young, you need to wait longer before getting married” is another thing we hear people saying these days. Proverbs 5:18 argues with that, saying, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,” The wife of your youth. I’m not saying that everyone is going to find their spouse at a young age, some will be older and there is no shame in that. But what I am saying is if you do find your future spouse at a “younger than acceptable age” don’t let people tell you that you’re too young. The Bible says to rejoice in the wife of your youth. But if you do pursue marriage at a younger age (again, not talking 12-year-olds here, or anything), you have to be committed, and strongly rooted in your faith to be able to stand the struggles and trials that come with it, but it might just be the most rewarding thing you ever do.
You need to grow up more. There is a fine line between just having some growing up to do (if you’re only 18, everyone grows up more), and between being immature for your age. You should be mature enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage and realize that when you say “I do,” you are in it for life. Not just 20 years or even 40, but for life. Until you lay the other in the dirt or the Lord returns. But the fact that you have more growing up to do, well yea, you’re young. But the wonderful thing is, you can grow up together.
There is no magic age and there is no magic number. Every person is different, and young marriage should not be shut down. It is a wonderful thing, to get to live your life with another, grow up with another, make decisions with another, and go through the milestones of life with your husband. Young marriage is something to be held dearly and close to the heart.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12